Royal Funster Gifts

'I hate talking to the Man in the Iron Mask -- I can't understand a word he says.'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"You spoil that boy."

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

'Mom never said she was a clown!'

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'