Courtly Funster Gifts

A judge plays with scales held by a statue of Lady Justice.

Cheeze Wiz.

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

Leopards do change their spots

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

'I hate talking to the Man in the Iron Mask -- I can't understand a word he says.'

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'I knew I should have used mistletoe instead of catnip.'

Person playing the cymbals.

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'We find the defendant to be TOAST.'

"Okay, I'll wear a tie."

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.

"Straw, sticks and bricks are in aisle seventeen. Wolf repellent is in aisle four."

The Cheshire Dog.

Billy Connelly.

Spilt wine

'Hello, is that over-eaters anonymous?'

'My new year's resolution was to delegate more...So I delegated managing massively increased demands with drastically reduced resources in a flat-lining economy to George.'

"I've heard of a 'camel toe' but that is ridiculous."

"Am I really off the prezzo account or are you just huffing and puffing?"

I think you need to recuse yourself from this trial, your honor. I plan to flirt with this witness, and you're much too handsome to compete with.

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

'Wait, we have to go back! - I forgot my air guitar!'

'Dennis it doesn't have to be like this, we can cancel the dental appointment if you like.'

'It's nice to know a girl can still stop traffic.'

She giveth and she taketh away!

'Woof woof.' - 'I thought it was against company policy to have animals in the office.'

'It's not much of a present, is it?'

"Guess your weight and market demographic."

'It's an old football injury. I fell off a bar stool while watching the Rose Bowl on tv.'