Courtly Funster Gifts

A judge plays with scales held by a statue of Lady Justice.

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

Leopards do change their spots

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

'I hate talking to the Man in the Iron Mask -- I can't understand a word he says.'

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

Person playing the cymbals.

"Okay, I'll wear a tie."

'We find the defendant to be TOAST.'

"Straw, sticks and bricks are in aisle seventeen. Wolf repellent is in aisle four."

'Hello, is that over-eaters anonymous?'

Spilt wine

'My new year's resolution was to delegate more...So I delegated managing massively increased demands with drastically reduced resources in a flat-lining economy to George.'

"Am I really off the prezzo account or are you just huffing and puffing?"

"I've heard of a 'camel toe' but that is ridiculous."

'Wait, we have to go back! - I forgot my air guitar!'

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

'Dennis it doesn't have to be like this, we can cancel the dental appointment if you like.'

'It's nice to know a girl can still stop traffic.'

She giveth and she taketh away!

'Woof woof.' - 'I thought it was against company policy to have animals in the office.'

'It's not much of a present, is it?'

'It's an old football injury. I fell off a bar stool while watching the Rose Bowl on tv.'

"Guess your weight and market demographic."

"Ticklish?"