Phonetic Funster Gifts

Spell-Check Bee. "Ancillary"

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

Cheeze Wiz.

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

Leopards do change their spots

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

'I hate talking to the Man in the Iron Mask -- I can't understand a word he says.'

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'I knew I should have used mistletoe instead of catnip.'

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

'We find the defendant to be TOAST.'

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

Person playing the cymbals.

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.

A judge plays with scales held by a statue of Lady Justice.

"You know I hate you, right?"

The Cheshire Dog.

"Straw, sticks and bricks are in aisle seventeen. Wolf repellent is in aisle four."

"I've only got a few who can get around the world overnight. . . their names are - corona, delta and omicron."

Santa Claus

"Another great thing about believing in Santa - no thank-you notes!"

Billy Connelly.

'Call me soft, but I miss the old traditions.'

'Hello, is that over-eaters anonymous?'

Spilt wine

I think you need to recuse yourself from this trial, your honor. I plan to flirt with this witness, and you're much too handsome to compete with.

"Clean up on isle 1."

"Am I really off the prezzo account or are you just huffing and puffing?"

"I'm just sayin', the chances of Santa stopping by to fill your stocking are pretty slim!"

'Wait, we have to go back! - I forgot my air guitar!'