Phonetic Funster Gifts

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

Leopards do change their spots

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'I hate talking to the Man in the Iron Mask -- I can't understand a word he says.'

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

'We find the defendant to be TOAST.'

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

Person playing the cymbals.

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"You know I hate you, right?"

A judge plays with scales held by a statue of Lady Justice.

"Straw, sticks and bricks are in aisle seventeen. Wolf repellent is in aisle four."

"I've only got a few who can get around the world overnight. . . their names are - corona, delta and omicron."

'Hello, is that over-eaters anonymous?'

Santa Claus

'Call me soft, but I miss the old traditions.'

"Another great thing about believing in Santa - no thank-you notes!"

Spilt wine

"Am I really off the prezzo account or are you just huffing and puffing?"

"Clean up on isle 1."

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

"I'm just sayin', the chances of Santa stopping by to fill your stocking are pretty slim!"

'Wait, we have to go back! - I forgot my air guitar!'