Phone Funster Gifts

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

Cheeze Wiz.

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

"This may take a minute as my mom's menu options have changed."

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

Drat. Your bolts are metric,but my tools aren't.

"Okay, I'll wear a tie."

"You have to have a sense of humour to work here."

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

Food Science Lab. There's jealousy among the peanut butter molecules. "Smooth" does out all the time and "chunky" can't get a date.

Income Tax Return

"Work is all fun and games. We play Follow the Leader, Kick the Can, ending with The Blame Game."

Person playing the cymbals.

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.

NASA Mission Control Room & Out of Control Room

"I don't care how much you saved. This is the LAST time we fly on vacation with a budget airline!"

"Research shows that the festive season can trigger depression in some people."

The Cheshire Dog.

"Straw, sticks and bricks are in aisle seventeen. Wolf repellent is in aisle four."

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

Billy Connelly.

'Hello, is that over-eaters anonymous?'

'My new year's resolution was to delegate more...So I delegated managing massively increased demands with drastically reduced resources in a flat-lining economy to George.'

'Isn't it time you started thinking about the future?'

'Wait, we have to go back! - I forgot my air guitar!'

"Clean up on isle 1."

I think you need to recuse yourself from this trial, your honor. I plan to flirt with this witness, and you're much too handsome to compete with.

'Have I lived here all my life? Not yet!'

'If you've got a complaint, please press 1. If we can help you to find something to complain about, please press 2.'

"I know it was you. I have collie ID."

'Woof woof.' - 'I thought it was against company policy to have animals in the office.'

'It's not much of a present, is it?'

'It's nice to know a girl can still stop traffic.'