Royal Family Fanatic Gifts

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

'Elizabeth, it looks as if one of your 'loyal subjects' has gorn and run orf with a flag orf the limo'!'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'Now that's an afro!'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

King George I

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

Photos of Queen Elizabeth II

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'She posted her first blog today.'

The Unhappy King

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'Of all the technological advances from the last 60 years, this is one's favourite.'

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

'I never dreamed the 'equal work for equal pay' bill would apply to me!'

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

Royal Love

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Nobody treats the king that way and gets away with it.'

"Someone should have warned you - he doesn't suffer fools gladly."

Reign Man

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'One can see the baby's crown!'

'But, dear -- Lady Godiva is part of my diversity program!'

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."