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At last, Paul Burrell finds his diary.

'I don't know. Neo-monarchism sounds good...'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Now that's an afro!'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

King George I

'How about a game of cards?'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Czarcasm

"He's a guard dog."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

"In my own country I didn't drive a taxi."

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'Scroll down for the good stuff!'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'I screwed up royally!'

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."