Royal Affairs Aficionado Pillows

At last, Paul Burrell finds his diary.

'I don't know. Neo-monarchism sounds good...'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'Now that's an afro!'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

King George I

'How about a game of cards?'

"He's a guard dog."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Czarcasm

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

"In my own country I didn't drive a taxi."

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

'Scroll down for the good stuff!'

'I screwed up royally!'

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'