Rookie Blunders Aficionado Gifts

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

'Yessir, I just finished my first spay...but how did you know?'

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

'I just faxed my tie to our Des Moines office.'

"Is this your first bricklaying job, Kevin...?"

' NO...NO..Mabel...BUNS!...Hot cross BUNS!'

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Be careful what you say, Senator. Putting your foot in your mouth greatly increases the risk of athlete's gum."

'You haven't much experience in plant conservation, have you Winthorpe?'

"Gina remembers where she left her pen... No wonder I can't write with this. It's a rectal thermometer."

"His first day as campus police and he just saw too many kids with backpacks and electronic devices in their hands."

"Elves, Jerry, I asked for elves."

Big deal - give her the one from that screwball who came in last week.

"I'm up to my neck in trouble, aren't I?"

'Think' Sign (nail facing wrong way)

"What do we think Sarge, suicide?"

Golfer on Football Pitch

"Did you make all these 911 calls?"

"Hi everyone, and welcome to this TED talk on how not to run a business. . ."

'What do you want the money for?'

"You must be new to hunting. You just shot out team mascot."

Hunting man hits his host

Clancy: Never Making the Same Mistake Twice

Kicker hits too hard.

'Hi, Mr. Back... you asked me to call you...'

"Hi, there. I'm Dick. Are you seeing anyone?"

"Don't worry about serving chicken to a vegetarian, Carmen. We all make mistakes. I once mistook a mop bucket for a soup pot."

"First time, is it?"

"...I said regular sand, not QUICKSAND!"