Romantic Satirists Pillows

'Yes, Mr. Humbolt, I found evidence your mistress is cheating on you with her husband.'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

Tunnel of Like.

'I love you, Howard, but let's not jump to conclusions.'

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

The finer points of marriage.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"Or...we could suggest a three-way."

Homophone Encounter

Dating in 2020

William Makepeace Thackeray.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'For the last time, Butchie, I love you but I'm not in love with you.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'