Romantic Rejectees Gifts

"I don't know 'where I've been all of your life', but wherever it was, I wish I was there now!"

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

Wedding Wellies

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

'He has no romance. For special occasions, he gives me a coupon for a card and chocolates that will be 50% off the next day.'

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"We'll always have Paris. I backed it up on a zip drive."

"And you're telling me this because?"

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

'Wow! Who knows what eroticism lurks in the heart of a sister.'

We should talk...

"I can't stand reality. What makes you think I'll enjoy it virtually?"

"Not on my watch..."

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

"And where exactly is Timbuktu?"

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

'I just don't want to get hurt.'

"I just wanted to tell you how much I love that you don't have a podcast."

"I've never been what you'd call an 'ethics head.' "