Romantic Pun Lovers Pillows

'Don't look right now Carla, but there's a REALLY cute guy in the corner giving you the eye.' A man offering his own eye to a woman.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

Peach flirting with a banana.

"You keep fumblin' with that bra, Cowboy, and you're never gettin' to second base."

Imported Candy. "Chocolate Australian Bears"? Yes --- "Coca-Koalas"!

Love is Blind.

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Magnet School. A "magnet school"? Won't that mess up the computers?

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

"Yeah, that's right. I'm the sandman. Where did you think I was getting my sand all these years?"

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

Pinocchio Vs. Dracula

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

The Mummy's Purse...

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

It says they're 120 million years old, enjoyed long walks along the tar pit, and loved nibbling on rodents together. Carbon-dating.com