Romantic Pun Lover Pillows

"You always said nothing would ever come between us."

Peach flirting with a banana.

I'm going to give each of my girlfriends a bottle of this wine for valentine's day. A port in every sweetheart!

'You tell me you're a sexual athlete and your first time at bat you strike out!'

"Let's take off the gloves."

What a pear?

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

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