Romantic Jester Gifts

"I can't believe you used that line to get me in here."

'I need a card that sends a very clear mixed message.'

Tom had been told always to wear a condom.

"We're sorry, we're in love with another sultan."

'I usually don't do this on the first date, but here's my username and password.'

"This wine is so good it makes even you interesting."

"Tell you what. . . I'll put you in my standby program."

"Gladys, what I'm trying to say is, let's balance our books. . . together."

'I've always been attracted to tall women. Someone I can - you know - climb.'

'Dude, trust me, we haven't got much time: We should sign up for speed dating...'

"So, are you the boring, rich one who buys her presents. Or the poor one, who's great in bed?"

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

"You're divorced, Lowell? Who's the lucky woman?"

"I don't like it-that's a Valentine card!"

"If you find it's lonely at the top. . . my number's in the book."

"You turn me on..!"

Strip Tease

Be my valentine

"I'd like to take things slow, Al, so instead of a goodnight kiss I'm going to poke you a few times with this stick."

'It's my latest invention...I call it 'foreplay'!'

'From one to ten how did I score?'

'If you really loved me you would make love to me during Monday night football!'

'It's the biggest ring I could afford. See it? There - in the lower right-hand corner.'

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.

'You told me I should be more affectionate, so I got myself two girlfriends!'

"And she's always demanding sex!"

'I've left him, Daddy - The pervert tried to book me into a hotel with him.'

It's a lunch invitation, but he's inviting me.

"Would it be alright, my love, if I postponed scaling high mountains for you and just pressed your mac instead?"

Special Valentine's For Your Special Lady

'The condiments, Sir? I believe there's a machine in the toilet.'

'Will you marry us?'

'Women are so illogical! -- first she says she wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole, and then she punches me in the nose!'

"There's 28 days in February. Valentine's Day is the 14th. That makes Valentine's Hump Day!"