Romantic Existentialist Gifts

"I want to be saved, but at the same time I want to be spent."

Life is for the birds.

Jean-Paul Sartre

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"We'll always have Paris..."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Chiller Theatre

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Zenemies.

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Existentialist Trail. Get lost then found. Nietzsche Park System"

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

Reginald Bunthorne

Pastorius wonders why.

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

Optimist

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

Marriage least expected to last...

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

A Zircon Is Forever

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"Is this who I am?"