Romantic Evolutionist Gifts

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Carbon Dating.

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"We'll always have Paris..."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

Reginald Bunthorne

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

Caveman has a good idea for the wheel.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

Marriage least expected to last...

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

A Zircon Is Forever

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

Unconditional Loveseat

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"I know what you're thinking - all I am to you is a vector."

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

"Forget about flowers, trust me, bring her honey: It's a sure way to one's heart..."

"My computer just texted me."