Romantic Critique Gifts

"Do you really think writing yourself a cheque for £100, then lighting your cigar with it impresses me?"

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

Dating an English Major

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Wow. Worst Tunnel of Love ever.

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

It finally happened, models so thin they only consist of few molecules.

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"And you're telling me this because?"

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"It's a miracle the miners could even find a diamond this small."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"Not on my watch..."

"I've been getting a second opinion."

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"I just wanted to tell you how much I love that you don't have a podcast."

"You're welcome. Glad you like them."

"And where exactly is Timbuktu?"

"'Take that,' growled the writer as the buyer for Borders slumped to the ..."