Romantic Critique Pillows

"Do you really think writing yourself a cheque for £100, then lighting your cigar with it impresses me?"

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

Dating an English Major

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

It finally happened, models so thin they only consist of few molecules.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

"And you're telling me this because?"

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"Not on my watch..."

"I've been getting a second opinion."

'I just don't want to get hurt.'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"I just wanted to tell you how much I love that you don't have a podcast."

"You're welcome. Glad you like them."

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"And where exactly is Timbuktu?"

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'