Rollin' Humor Pillows

101 uses of a dead cat: rollerskates

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

Hitchcock's The Birds

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

'How now, brown cow?'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

Adult Absence Notes.

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

'The reason I'm paid fifty times more is because I think I'm worth it.'

'Daddy-if we didn't have Mummy how would you know how to drive?'

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

Danny reminds his dad that he had forgotten to pay him for raking the yard.

"Well, if you've got 'nothing to wear' why am I constantly doing laundry?"

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'I don't like the look of yours...'

"I was quite pleased to find a job which allows me to see more of my husband."

"Yeah, I'm a Roadrunner, but it is easier on my feet and joints if I run on the grass..."

"I'm not a kid anymore, mom. I can hit myself in the face with a pie by myself."

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

"Dad, can you just ground me instead?"

'Sorry, nothing really scares us anymore since that time we accidentally walked in on our parents...'

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''