High-standards Humor Pillows

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

The Ladies Who Lurch.

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"How was the play!"

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'This is getting to be too much for me. I'm thinking of becoming a middlebrow.'

Is there a company doctor in the house?

"Stan is one of our great, widely unread literary treasures."

101 uses of a dead cat: rollerskates

'The reason I'm paid fifty times more is because I think I'm worth it.'

"He said 'Sumer is icumen in Lhude sing cuccu!' Why do you ask?"

"Listen, Phil....LOVE the hi-def video conferencing, but next time can you trim your nose hairs?"

"Don't forget the spaghetti dinner at Sparolini's after the show."

"I was quite pleased to find a job which allows me to see more of my husband."

"..and this is where his lordship holds his balls and dances."

"I told you there's no 11th flooooor!"

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"Check it out, guys. Finally got my wine legs!"

"That's alright, I'll keep you company: I'm not in a hurry to get to school..."

'Ever since she has found out that she is related to one of the Queen's corgis she has been unbearable.'

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

'Dave's really over-reacting about turning forty.'

'Hugo has short term memory loss but we've chosen to ignore it!'

"My grades will get better. I discovered some potentially embarrassing things about my teacher."

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

Amongst the Culturati II.

"For heaven’s sake, I said ‘fetch.’ Not ‘fly’!"

Sloane Ranger.

Test Tomorrow: No Books Or Apps - Just Bring Your Brain

"An exquisite diatribe against the conflagration of an urban elite."

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

'The male pattern baldness is genetic, but your dense lower back hair appears to be a gypsy curse.'