Moving Humor Pillows

"Packing up and relocating to a new home is a moving experience."

Romance

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Have you forgotten, dear, that you gave your heart to me in nineteen ninety one?'

Baby cries into a cellphone.

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Senseless clowning around

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'I miss the days when you used to wear cologne instead of just rolling in something in the backyard.'

Ereptile Dysfunction

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

"The phrase is 'score,' dude."

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

Adult Absence Notes.

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?