Moving Humor Prints

"Packing up and relocating to a new home is a moving experience."

Romance

Wifi in Hell

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'Have you forgotten, dear, that you gave your heart to me in nineteen ninety one?'

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

Baby cries into a cellphone.

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

'How now, brown cow?'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

"The phrase is 'score,' dude."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

Senseless clowning around

'I miss the days when you used to wear cologne instead of just rolling in something in the backyard.'

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

Ereptile Dysfunction

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

Adult Absence Notes.

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"