Role-reversal Ponderer Gifts

A pet fish in a fishbowl thinks about keeping his owner in a fishbowl.

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

Gone Bookkeepin'

'At least I don't have his life.'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"Shift’s over, Ed. I’ll take it from here."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"Gotta cut back on my binge thinking."

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

Human meat.

"How long has he been missing?"

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

"Have you seen my wife?"

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

Man walking dog with a cone crosses path with a dog walking a man with a cone.

Bothers my conscience a little bit/May keep me up for a night or two/Am I really stooping this low?

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"I'm giving love one more try."