Rod-wielding Humorist Pillows

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. VIII

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

A DIY disaster.

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'The first day on the job was not going well for Al...'

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"I've never trusted cows."

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed

"You boys might as well dig in - this could smolder for days."

Although a rare sight in the old west, the secluded ice rinks brought out a side of the lone passing-by cowboy, that even they themselves barely knew existed.

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."

'Well the dog's been passively smoking our fags for the past ten years, so I think it's only fair that he has a nicotene patch too.'

'Except for that, how did the experimental plane perform?'

popcorn...

Acme Pest Control

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

'Hold steady, there girl. I need to open my bottle of cider!'

'Don't make me use my chemical weapons...'

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

'Fancy a banana split?'

'There I was, balanced on the wire, juggling balls like crazy when this yo-yo in the crowd hits me in the eye with a peanut.'

'Are you decent'

"There's that frantic thumping noise again."

'You're cheating on me? How can you be so heartless?!'

'I learned a new word today!'

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

'Down a few volts yet Harry!'

"Here's the deal. I'll fly the plane, and you make the excuses."

Redundant Weapon

Smoke Screen

'It's dreadful being out of work - I just hand around all day, drinking tea and smoking. . .'

"I contributed a lot to charity when I thought I was going to die."