Roast Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

Counting ribs

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

Toast: the high energy food

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

"Regular service or affected?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

"A little lamb please."

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

The Pooperrazzi

Faux Poop!

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but, hang on a minute, I'm pretty sure I have the heart and stomach of a king, too..."

"Looks like you forgot to pack your lunch again Bob!"

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

Christopher Nolan has made some great films, but there is an Inception!

'I can't work out why I keep getting these blinding headaches!'

'We've had a couple of requests for an academic brouhaha, so we'll be preparing one of those today.'

When Cows Discovered Mowers

Einstein tests his pasta-antipasto theory.