Road Trip Entertainer Gifts

"My name is Shirley and I'll be signing 'My Heart Will Go On.'"

Airport Security.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

Music to drive ( others mad) to...

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

Bob's Driving School.

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

The leaning tower of Pizza.

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"

'Your luggage went to Bosnia-Herzegovina, sir, and I'm afraid they're holding it for ransom.'

Biliard Enthusiast

Val and Les could see a fork in the road but they weren't expecting a dip.

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

'HA! Your last chance 86 miles back.'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"I think I know why they call it 'Happydale'!"

"Admit it, you're lost!"