Road Planner Gifts

Toll Bridge: Cash/Tokens/No Cash or Tokens.

Exit next left. No, my left.

Crossroad.

Signs Ahead

'Road Construction Updates. While you're on hold for the next hour, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '

GPS HIghway to Hell

Road sign: Improvise, next five miles.

"Everything is generic these days."

"We only got six days of funding."

Tourists

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

The Fast Lane.

When Engineers Crack.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

'Are we broke yet?'

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

"I think you might need to start again."

An alleyway leads to a scenic area.

Innovation & Calculation

YONDER...next 347 miles.

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

BIG BOOK OF CAMPER VAN NAMES

Monday: Next 7 exits.

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

"I'm pretty sure my self-driving car is moonlighting for Uber behind my back."

"Remember, if we get split up, take the A to 42nd, transfer to the Brooklyn bound 2, get off at Eastern parkway and buy a ticket for the Brooklyn Museum and make sure to tell them you're under three."

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

Tolls: Must have exact change and tails up.