Rivalry Humorist Gifts

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

'Look at them both arguing about the race: Adults are so competitive...'

'Man...You age great!'

'Why do you always get to be the tanks?'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

Football Chameleon

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

Alternative fielding positions

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Trojan Hurdler.

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'It Kicked!' - 'Punt, Drop or Tad?'

Pigs form huddles before taking up starting positions

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

"With one wrong turn, Sparky's big adventure became a nightmare."

Footballer kicking his own brain.

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

"'Burned out,' Parker?- I wasn't aware you ever even 'caught fire.'"

'Put a little backspin on the ball.'

'I hate playing stinkbugs! Every time we press them on defense, they just let 'e rip!'

"Are you pleased to see me or is that a vuvuzela down your trousers?"

Magician Playing Golf.