Ring-side Jokesters Pillows

"... And in the blue corner, about to be soundly beaten... "

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

'Just because you fell in love on company time is no reason why the company has to give you time off to get married on.'

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

Sorry, you can't claim depreciation on your wife.

Tip jar at boxing match.

"Enjoying a sudden decrease in vision and hearing, are we, Horndog? Well, guess who's enjoying a headache!"

'He's tiring? What happened to round four 'he's ready to go!'?'

Everything was fine until Becky's little sister decided to skip double.

'The deceased was a member of their running club.'

'Did you stick your tongue out?' - 'I only licked a stamp.'

Knock-out at the boxing match.

Night Deposit.

'Exercise without pain? But what would the point be?'

Goalie with oversized gloves.

'When that bell rings, yank that string THREE TIMES and go into him like a kamikaze pilot!'

'Go on, give it brain damage.'

"Listen, if you don't break when I ask you to, the next time I'll give you a thick ear."

'You know I've always told you you were the last of the Mohicans? Well, there was this sqaw...'

'Tough guy, eh? Want to step outside?'

'The computers are down, we're to use pianos until tech support repair them.'

'Honey, can you put the cat out...!'

'...he thought he'd killed you !'