Reward Systems Gifts

"When I think of the things I used to do for stickers, I feel like such an idiot."

"I always choose immediate gratification over vague rewards at some unspecified time in the future."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'The great thing is, the poor won't be able to squander it on luxuries such as dignity, equality and hope!'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Carrots just didn't get me going anymore, so I switched to chocolate instead..."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

The hour of justice

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"You don't have to answer that."

"Can you hear me now?"

"I suppose you're worried about your little peasant benefits."

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."