Rewards Gifts

"Carrots just didn't get me going anymore, so I switched to chocolate instead..."

'Isn't it how you learnt to swim?'

Frequent Visitor

"Wow, you've got tons of loyalty points. Someone's a good boy!"

"Yeah, I got the whole trip on frequent flyer points!"

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Win - win

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

Dangling Carrots

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Norman E-Mailer

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'

'Nobody seems to bother me anymore since I won this.'

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

"I think I just won Best Director!"

'No bonus this year, Felton, but I've nominated you for a Grammy.'

Monkey casino study.