Reunion Humorist Pillows

"Wow, you look just like you did in school!"

"Larry, you haven't changed a bit."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Cash Machines From Across the Land

Grimm's Reality Tales.

"Yours is adjustable?"

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

COWMIKAZES

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

'Anybody who has a life, gets more work.'

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

"My, it feels good to sit down."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'Point of clarification, sir. Are you still in charge, or have you ceded power to your sock puppet?'

The team wondered if he would ever fit in.

"One man's garbage is another man's best friend's treasure..."

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

We are downsizing due to the merger of our hunting and gathering divisions.

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'I don't think Charlie will ever get used to these auto-mobiles.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'