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TV Repair 101.

Mozart on a computer,

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

"If I knew when this was going to end, it wouldn't be so stressful."

'A few messages came in during your lunch break.'

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

Decorating with Children

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

Organized chaos.

'And if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.'

'It's another office memo from that Mr. Tolstoy.'

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

When Cows Discovered Mowers

'You should enter the rhythmic breathing Olympics!'

Workers rest

Setbacks in the development of the rubber mallet.

As space walking astronaut vacuums dust particles: 'Houston, we see to have the cosmic dust problem under control.'

'I guess I should have paid the foundation bill.'

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

Scrapyard Worker

For a $50 payoff, Dwayne would agree not to follow a foursome around all 18 holes.

More lies.

"Now, in here, with our buff walls and aubergine chintz, our statement has dropped to a purr."

"So that's how you fixed things before there was duct tape!"

"Can you hold on a sec? I need to check on Timmy."

A Meeting of Audio Buffs.

'Maybe the pilot crash landed here.'

"Do you think it's time to switch from the blower to the mower?"