Retirement-from-single-life Aficionado Pillows

Last night of freedom.

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"Call me?"

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

Banana Smoothie

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'Right, moving on to the housekeeping...'

"Our first order of business will be the new speed bump in the parking lot."

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

'You think you're an incurable romantic? My prescription is to get married.'

"I hope you don't think I'm the kind who would hibernate on the first date."

'Mr. Bigmeister likes to start each meeting with the pledge of allegiance.'

'It's our fifth date, so I'll take a box of impatience.'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

'I met the greatest guy! He's sweet, he's handsome, and his insurance policy is Equity Indexed Whole Life!'

"The difference between a great guy and a total loser? I'd say it's about this much Merlot."

Love

Old Dog's Home

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

"My meeting take away was this chair, what did you get?"

"Looks like Rick's scored."

"No darling, there's nothing magical in the air, I just farted"

How to injury yourself as an adult

'Let's make this a short meeting. I know we all have expensive homes to go to.'