Ageing Aficionados Pillows

"They say you're only as old as your face."

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

'I suppose ageing speeds up because you are over the hill...'

Ed's receding hairline!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

Midlife: You Are Here.

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

The end of innocence

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

How to injury yourself as an adult

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

Fortune teller sits beneath a sign 'Wrinkles Read Here'

"That's just the meds kicking in."

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

'Why John, I remember you when you were this high.'

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'