Retail Employee T-Shirts

'That's Jeb Lambert. He was actually the first one to say 'paper or plastic'. Before that everyone said 'plastic or paper'... I mean, can you imagine?'

"We save all the original packaging in case we have to return something."

'Listen sonny, if it weren't for complainers like me you would be out of a job,'

'Do you have Vertigo?'

"This is the customer care hot line. We make it a priority at Auto y Rod Inc. to put the customer first!"

"I don't remember the name, but it had a taste that I liked."

"Finally! I got all my deliveries done on time! I also put all the oil cans on the oil can shelves! And I actually put batteries in the battery display!"

"We just got paid 12 cents for watching that 60-second video on company time."

"Mr. Rod, my dad wants to clean the garage tomorrow...and he needs me to pack boxes and haul tons of stuff. It'll probably take all day!"

"Baldo, if anything, I'm a flexible boss. If you need to skip lunch today, that's okay with me."

"Mr. Rod said I'm his best employee."

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

"Quick! My car's on fire! I need a fire extinguisher!"

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

"That's OK, Baldo. Don't blame yourself."

"Well, the boss asked what I was doing. And I told him that I wasn't doing what I should be doing, but that I wasn't doing anything that I shouldn't be doing. I guess that wasn't the right answer."

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"Do you have fat balls?"

"Seems we're always on our feet around here."

"Money makes the world go 'round, huh?"

"Who do I complain to about your complaint department?"

"What time do I pick you up?"

Self-Checkout: Does Not Mean Access To Employee Lounge!

"I can't get these new codes straight!"

'Somebody keeps snapping all the stud boards in half. Anybody know anything about this?'

"Hey boss, what's the store motto this week; 'the customer's always right' or 'you can't please everyone?'"

'This first coupon is worth $5.00 The other one expired in 1987.'

"Forgive me. I have sinned. Over the holidays, I thought of no one but myself."

Excess

I bought this power tool last week and it ain't working!

'Frankly I'm disappointed in your commitment to late night shelf stacking.'

'We used to be a lot busier - ask Samantha Lushbody.'

You know retail is in a bad way when...

"It's been terrible for business, but Mr. Davis worked here for 27 years and put it in his will that he be entombed here!"