Store Employee T-Shirts

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'This must be the work clothes section.'

'I need a new scent.'

'This anti-ageing cream is well past it's sell-by date!'

Open 24 hrs

"Just groceries? Oh I see..."

In a trade reminiscent of Johnny Damon to the Yankees, Santa Claus signs with Gimbel's for big bucks and shaves his face.

'Have you got one that will hold a pizza?'

'In this aisle I'm a real fortune teller - I 'NO' all.'

Counter culture is friendly:'Have a great day!'

"I know what you're thinking...but I think I'm good at what I do."

"You hire only 'All-American' people?"

"There's very little an individual store can do about rising food prices, Mom!"

Sale! Weed Whackers

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit, today, sir - a ream of paper and a half-dozen pencils.'

Bookshop: Unpopular Economics

Hand sanitizer

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Cook in the cookery section.

'We loved this book. Twenty nine experts tell you how to think independently.'

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

Don't have a hot flush....

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

'Somebody keeps snapping all the stud boards in half. Anybody know anything about this?'

Meet The Author's Wife. The author is too surly to talk.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

"It's also a flat-bed scanner."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."