Store Personnel T-Shirts

'Our product testers aren't meant to be used that way, Sir.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

Hand sanitizer

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

SupermarketAwful Market.

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Self-Checkout.

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

Science Books. Do you have any books about Lepidoptera? Yes, and would you like to join "The Book of the Moth Club"?

"Fifty quid for a high visibility jacket? Why, that's day-glo robbery."

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"