Restructuring Realist Gifts

Denny was getting concerned about the company's recent downsizing.

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

World Production.

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"I hate this time of year."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"Now at this point reality intruded."

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

'They had a sale on electric green.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Didn't we have a door over there?"

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'Management doesn't think we have a staffing problem...Apparently all we need to do is to use our imagination.'

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Blood is thicker than water. Oil is thicker yet.

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

"That? Oh, that's the contractor insult tax. We add that to the invoice when a customer treats us as if we're somehow constantly contriving to rip them off."