Restaurant Pun Fan Gifts

Central Reservations Available.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

Laughing Zone Ahead

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

Cupid misses his shot.

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

'All right, so you've prepared your resignation . . . let me have it!'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

"You need a mint."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

(Omi God! Pigs in a blanket!)

Arm Chair

To keep cool in the summer, Victor installed a whole-house flan.

"The deal looks cut and dried to me but Haskins smells a rat."

'The worst part is I'm afraid of the water.'

"Note to self...'NICE APPS' is not a good opening line."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

Sir Isaac Newton discovers even more gravity.

"And you say these stabbing back pains started when you got into politics?"

"Well yes, I could prescribe glasses, but frankly, just cutting your fringe would probably work better..."

Unsound

"Father Michael has a wicked sense of humour."

"Okay - I can see you now."

Wordilly Durdillies - A cow putt

"I hear this place is a hotbed of international pancakes."

Ernie, what's a seven-letter phrase for "sadistic behavior"? Beats me.

'Satchel, I have a hunch...'