Restaurant Opening Gifts

'Damn Viagra'

"That place looks amazing. I can't wait till they open."

'When you reserved the table, you should have reserved some chairs to go with it.'

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"How fresh is the calamari?"

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

Shaken not stirred

"This is our soft opening."

"I come here for the pepper."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Local food for local consumption

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

'Cooking'

Ghostbasters 3

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

American style Greek cafe.

Kentucky Fried Horse

"Sir, we serve pancakes 297 ways. We don't do plain toast."