New Restaurant Gifts

Hard Rock Cafe.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'A cheeky red?'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

La Table

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."