Restaurant Grand Opening Gifts

"I dunno...Where is everyone?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"I come here for the pepper."

"This is our soft opening."

Shaken not stirred

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

Garlic Free Zone.

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Ghostbasters 3

Local food for local consumption

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'Cooking'

American style Greek cafe.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

Kentucky Fried Horse

"Sir, we serve pancakes 297 ways. We don't do plain toast."