Restaurant Gossip Guru Gifts

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Advanced footsie

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"What kind of biscuits are they?"

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"....and hold the garlic."

Platter confusion.

'Enjoy your meal - but be warned we have a very bad tempered chef.'

'Whatever he's eating.'

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

'Can I get a box for this?'

"Our cook caught today's special. What makes it so special is that we have no idea what it is. We're coping it's edible."

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'How do you guys want your trans fatty acids prepared?'

'How do you prepare your chicken?' 'We just tell 'em they're gonna die.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Linguini for two?"

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

'Maybe that'll teach you not to argue with the waiter over the bill!'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! You've come to the right place.

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

Three Pigs.