Restaurant Experience Gifts

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

Couple Waiting for Service

'Something low in fat, low in cholesterol, and low in price.'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"And we give you sixty seconds to complete your order or Joey does it for you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Comedy Cafe

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"Is the MSG local?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"I come here for the pepper."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

I love Cannelloni

Advanced footsie

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'How is the water prepared?'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"What kind of biscuits are they?"

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."