Restaurant Experience Gifts

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

Couple Waiting for Service

'Something low in fat, low in cholesterol, and low in price.'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"And we give you sixty seconds to complete your order or Joey does it for you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Comedy Cafe

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"I come here for the pepper."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

I love Cannelloni

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

Advanced footsie

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'How is the water prepared?'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

"What kind of biscuits are they?"