Restaurant Gifts

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

"Can't decide? Why don't I bring you a gift certificate. You could give it to someone who can."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

'Waiter. I think this roast chicken is a tad undercooked.'

'Look at it this way - It's tested your waterproof make-up.'

'Your usual table leg?'

"It looks almost too good to regurgitate on."

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'

'Are you hinting you want to close up?'

'Mind if I start without you?'

'I recommend the catch-of-the-day. Beats the hell out of just-washed-ashore.'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'Waiter...!'

'This simply melts in the mouth. What is it?'

There's no chicken it that chicken soup. . .

'We're quite full, but I can squeeze you into the angst section.'

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

"Would Sir like that with salad, bread or bad humour"

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

"I think the chef is depressed again."

Road Kill Cafe.

"He's a fussy eater."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"Sorry, sir. I'll see that your candle is lit immediately."

"You still have to choose which chef you want to prepare your food."

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

"Veal or non-veal?"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'