Resolution Rethinkers Pillows

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

My resolution this year? Getting in shape so I can lift my favorite snacks!

After working 80 hours a week for 30 years, Raymond was struggling to adjust to retirement.

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"I feel like all I did in January was work out, eat healthy, strive for meaningful and balanced relationships, and improve my sleep schedule -- thank god that nightmare's over."

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

'At midnight we want to move to the non-smoking section so my husband can keep his New Year's resolution.'

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

"Passive-aggressive musical chairs." "You sit. I don’t deserve to" "I couldn’t possibly." "Maybe two of us could share." "Someone else go first." "I actually prefer standing."

"THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO GET IN SHAPE."

"This year I'm going to lose weight!"

Gym Resolutions

"That's your best shot at a New Year's resolution? Stop flushing dental floss down the toilet?"

"If only he made goals all of the time instead of just at the beginning of the year."

My New Year's resolution? To come up with some resolutions for the year after next.

New Year's Resolutions...

"If I were you, I'd put a new hairstyle way way down your list of New Year's Resolutions."

A slim Santa emerges from slimming club.

New Years Resolution

"New Year's Resolutions: 1. Stop boiling tortured souls in vats of oil. 2. Stop frying the flesh of sinners in the fire of eternal damnation. 3. Lose weight."

"I'm giving up taking selfies for New Year."

New Years Resolution.

Gym'll Fix It

New Years Resolutions...Must not exploit my position to gorge on unearned wealth...

Every year it's the same thing. I resolve to lose a ton and you say you're going to control your anger.

But Mum, you said write down your resolutions. (Child has written on the wall in makeup).

"New Year's resolutions are sort of like politicians' campaign promises - non binding."

'....How in the world did they know?