Resolution Rebrander Gifts

'What's so funny?' 'I told them I'm stopping drinking in the new year.'

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Make your resolutions achievable.

"I hate this time of year."

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'At midnight we want to move to the non-smoking section so my husband can keep his New Year's resolution.'

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

'I'm graphing the likelihood of me keeping this New Year's resolutions based on all of my previous resolutions. It doesn't look good for me.'

"I used to be 'Unemployed Larry." But no more! Now I am 'Citizen Larry,' and over the next few months I will seek the bright light and open spaces of this beautiful country and ask for the wise counsel of its people."

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

"So what are you planning on giving up for New Year?"

'I made up my mind to spend less time on line, and I was doing real well 'til they brought the computer back from the shop.'

"This year I'm going to lose weight!"

Realistic resolutions 1. Give up drinking (until you have a terrible day on January 7th) 2. Exercise (until you realise it is too cold and you are too tired) 3. Eat healthy food (until you remember that you love - and in fact need - an enormous plate of mac 'n' cheese)

"I'm starting my diet today."

New Year's Resolutions...

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

'To show I'm serious about giving up smoking for new year, I'm going to sign this pledge.'

'There goes my New Year's resolution to be a better person.'

"I faked your New Year's resolution."

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

I made a resolution to have a more positive attitude, but god knows how long that's gonna last...

"Any New Year's resolutions?" "I'm going to do better." "That's a nice sentiment but a little vague. Without a specific benchmark how'll you know you've met it?" "How'll I know I haven't?" "That's oddly logical." "And achievable."