Research Enthusiast Gifts

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

The client would prefer fewer open-ended questions.

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

'It's an ethical dilemna now: We have solved the problem but still have two years of funding through our research grant...'

'I admit I fabricated data, but I didn't falsify any, and I didn't plagiarize.'

"Welcome to the co-author's party! You're number twenty-one."

Pure Research, Somewhat Sullied Research, and Totally Craven, Profit-Driven Research.

Basic Research - Practical Applications - Back to Basic Research.

'I'm sick of writing grant proposals on spec.'

'It is a bad paper and, as a reviewer, I should reject it, but it cites five of my own papers...'

'Dad, why are you going to deliver a paper in Boston? Couldn't you find a paper route closer to home?'

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"Your research is impressive, but you have too many original ideas to be credible..."

'I'm worried -- It's getting harder and harder to qualify for Federal grants!'

'Granted we have to do the research. And we can do some research on the research. but I don't think we should get involved in research on research on research.'

Yakademic: An academic who has been describing their research since they were asked about it over 20 minutes ago.

'Bad news. . . Things are too good to get any grant money.'

A lab rat stares back at a scientist.

"That's a side-effect of self-education – self-medication."

The Diligent Student

"I keep up with all the journals."

"The test results are in for the medical marijuana, and frankly there's nothing there we didn't discover ourselves in college."

'You've heard of the government paying farmers not to farm; they pay us not to do research.'

"Well, our conclusions were all wrong, but at least our methodology was consistant."

'Yes, officer, I was speeding, but in the interest of scientific research.'

'Granted, we have to do the research. And we can do some research on the research. But I don't think we should get involved in research on research on research.'

'What do you expect, since 90% of all the scientist who ever lived are alive today.'

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

"Focus group" "Out of focus group"

'Dear, when I die, what ever you do, don't donate my body to science.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"