Research Fanatic Gifts

"This is Doctor Bagshaw, discoverer of the infinitely expanding research grant."

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"See - it works in my fantasy research league."

'They want to close our lab. What's that all about?'

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'It's one of these new phones that takes photographs.'

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Maybe we have the wrong subject for this brain mapping project.'

The end is near

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

Not-so-easy listening...

The Soundness of Newton's Laws

'He's wearing a toupee.'

Futuristic Teenagers.

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

'He thinks there's an evil robot from the future in his closet.'

"This is Matt with your five day forecast, on location."

Trumpled

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

'There are shortcuts to making home brew, but taking a swig of malt extract and letting it ferment in your mouth isn't one of them.'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'Dear, when I die, what ever you do, don't donate my body to science.'

Scientist to other: 'That's the saddest hypothesis I've ever heard!'

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."