Report Shrinking Enthusiasts T-Shirts

"Can you fit our annual report into 140 characters or less?"

"I see the downsizing continues."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

'That was when I closed five distribution centres, mothballed a factory and sacked 3,000 workers.'

"I've downsized."

Psychological Warfare Target Practice

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

". . . And you thought last month's sales figures just happened?"

"Oh, he's cute, all right, but he's got the temperament of a car alarm."

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

See Manhattan . . . By Car!

"That's just the meds kicking in."

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

"I now offer DVR service for clients for want to see their future later."

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

Speed Checked By Radar.

Fortune Telling: Retirement Planning.

"I need to lay off those seven birthday cakes a year."

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

"They say you're only as old as your face."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

The New York Review of Weather.

The end of the world is nigh.

The Faith-Based Family

He had tried many ways to quit smoking but only one worked.

A fridge surrounded by books.

"OK, let's talk about your narcissistic tendencies."

Top 10 signs you're getting older...

'here comes that funny little woman and her big husband!'

'If you wear 3-D glasses, it makes their indifference to anything but the bottom line see more lifelike.'

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

'You're obsessed with the bottom line. I like that in an employee!'

'She may be small, but she's got the spleen of a lion.'